Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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