I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
