Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
