I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
