So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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