I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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