I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
