I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
