i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
