that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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