Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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