There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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