That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
