Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
