she smelled like a LAN party
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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