If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize