My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
