Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
