Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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