sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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