He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
