I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
