its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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