i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
