Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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