why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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