Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
