He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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