Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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