I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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