hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
