he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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