think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
