I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
