the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
