You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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