During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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