Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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