sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
