This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
