Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize