I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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