just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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