if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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