she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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