im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
