There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
