Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
