i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
