I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
