she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
