Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
