I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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