Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
