just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
