Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
