I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Drunk is not a location!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
