i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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