I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just found puke in my bra..
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
