Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
cat food counts as protein by the way
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize