he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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