No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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