Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize