The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
