Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
