2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
