Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
