My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
