Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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