by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
