So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
