there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
