I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
